surprise..

It was twelve years ago,

   You plucked me from my nest and dropped me in a foreign culture.

  For three months you had me living in a bubble. 

       I had nowhere to go.

I couldn’t do anything but face my fears and doubts and shame.

I needed to move forward.

  But, I was paralyzed by fear, by distrust.

I had to ask you, I needed to know.

What do you think of me?

And of course you answered.

     So loud, it was so loud.

I love you.

you are beautiful.

       But you didn’t stop there.

Do you love Me?

Do you trust Me?

Why is it so easy to answer the first and so hard to answer the second?

          Why can’t we let go of the fear of the unknown?

And you said,

So, that is when you should be trusting in Me. When you’re scared. Not trusting in Me isn’t going to make the unknown known.

So maybe, I don’t trust myself.

      I don’t know myself as well as I thought I did.

But who knows you better that you know yourself?

Who knit you together?

Who knows the number of hairs?

You are created in MY image.

Trust Me Colleen. Rest in Me. 

   Wait on Me and I will teach you what I think of you and you will know yourself because of your love for Me.

..and you will know yourself because of your love for Me..

And as loud as your presence entered it left and I was left with the quiet echo of those last words.

And here I am, twelve years later, and I had to go back and search for your love and truth and trust again because of my soul amnesia.