So, did you do it? Did you call or text or mail a card to or take out to brunch or spend time with or write a special poem to or make a special craft for your mommy?
Did you demand your children call you or pay you some measure of expected respect today?
Maybe you sat alone, wondering why your mom gave you up for adoption?
Or maybe your womb cried out to you as you second guessed the abortion you had.
Did you stare at the phone cringing at the thought of speaking to your mom because the conversations are always difficult, hurtful or full of awkward silences.
Or... maybe you tried desperately to not think about how much you are not a mom even though you've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to be.
Culturally commercial expectation. It sucks right? I mean, why is there a determined day to "honour" mothers, or fathers for that matter?
Did you know the original intent behind Mother's Day was not to perpetuate the commercial sector? It was a call to arms. A battle cry if you will for moms, for Women to stand up against the destruction of the world, of their children.
Julia Ward Howe. The woman behind "Battle Hymn of the Republic" wrote "Appeal to womanhood throughout the world" in 1870 later to be known as "Mother's Day Proclamation". She had had enough of war, the American Civil War and then the Franco-Prussian War and was pleading an appeal to woman all over the world to take hold of their responsibility to change and shape their respective societies at the political level.
THIS IS BIG STUFF
This is a passive call because it's words on paper not violence with arms, but it is big none the less. She was calling the women of the world to active peace. A passive call to active peace. What does that look like? Does it look like Hallmark cards and 1-800-flowers?
Julia worked tirelessly to forward her message of active peace with speaking tours and rallies all over the world and from this sprouted gatherings that were rooted in faith, protest and feminism. Nine years later however, after it had been turned into a celebration and a holiday by then American president Woodrow Wilson, Julia cried in frustration and demanded boycotts saying, "this is not what I intended. I wanted it to be a day of sentiment, not profit"
I am so completely opposed to hallmark holidays I can't even begin to tell you. Things that have a raw, deep, cutting history are turned into fluff and cause our humanity to think only of ourselves and what we aren't getting.
My oldest son gave me a marigold in a pot with a little card that he made at school on Friday and I loved it because he made it. Not because it was mother's day and I damn well better get something. Today my two oldest, in their Sunday school classes gave me flowers made from paper cut outs of their hands and I love them because it is from their own person, those flowers are their hand shape and size. I don't, however, love them because it's mother's day and somebody better give me flowers or else.
I don't expect my husband to wait for this day to thank me for being the mother of his children and if my boys need a special day to tell my that they love me then somewhere along the way I really screwed the pooch as a mom and what do I do now? That means I am sure to have no relationship with them at all, whether it's mother's day or not.
I have a son, my oldest oldest, to be precise, that I haven't heard from since May 7, 2007. This year, had he reached his due date would have been 7. And this year for the second year in a row I forgot to remember him on the anniversary of his first and last day of his timeless life. Does that make me feel like less of a mom? You betcha it does. Does it make me feel like I've been a mom for 7 years even though my current oldest is only 5 1/2? You betcha it does.
This anniversary will always fall close to mother's day. My first "mother's day" was May 12, 2007 and I hated it. But, it gave me the opportunity to look rationally at mother's day. The purpose for it. How we as a society have failed it. How we can redeem it. I have been stewing over this for years until finally today I stumbled across the history of it.
I have grown tired of the kitchy posts or memes I see on the internet "share this if you love your mom" or inspirational posts about how great mom's are and "battle cries for all the work moms do and we deserve breakfast in bed on mother's day" or at the very least to pee in peace! Recently there was a post that went around about how much a mom should be paid if you classified all the duties she does and scaled her pay based on those jobs in the workforce. To me that actually demeans what a mom does because if she was in it for the money then, whoa, we have a problem.
Moms are so much more than that. Moms have a power and strength and resource to shape this world. IF we can stop fighting each other over homeschooling and breastfeeding and pinteresting and discipline, and potty training, and meal planning and stay at home vs. work place. Can we do it? Can we? Our children require us to do more than wipe their bums and clean their ears. We are more than yelling about homework, or fighting at the hockey rink. Aren't we more than "pick up your wet towels" and "don't hit your brother's penis" I want to be more than "you can't go outside till you eat all your supper"
Our (collectively here) OUR CHILDREN are being called into action for their community and we are their armery. I don't want this to sound like they are off to war, I mean that is exactly what Julia Ward Howe was trying to stop, but if our biggest concern in what kind of adults our children will become is more about getting a card on mother's day than our children leaving their mark for good on this world....
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