little champion

Tomorrow you are seven years old, but tonight, as I write this, I am taken back to seven years ago this night. I was being lavished upon by people that love your daddy and me and they were loving on you too, even though they had not met you yet. It was overwhelming. Love has a way of doing that. But it was so much more than that. You don’t know this yet, we have never told you, that you have a big brother that paved the way for you to be. And when I discovered you existed I was all at once excited and terrified. Excited for your life but terrified at what lay before me. I was worried you would suffer the same path as your brother. Terrified my body would fail again, terrified at the pain that bore my path.

But the love that carried me, that carried you, that carried us from that point to your early arrival has bore witness in your life so far. It is as if you know... that you already knew that your life came at sacrifice. It is a deep knowing that you are not aware of, but you have always seemed an old soul with vibrant joy. Your exuberance for everything has always been infectious. Your laugh, your voice, your hugs, giggles, silliness put a smile to everyone you have touched. Even now, people at church tell me your hug makes their day. What a gift you are! 

You are so full of so many beautiful things. Your sense of humour is right up there with a seven year old boy, but your compassion is unmatchable. Anyone’s sorrow tears your heart, and other’s happiness rubs off on you. Your desire to help is beautiful. This can not be created, you were born with this propulsion. I can barely stop you which is why I often don’t, even though it drives your brothers crazy when they want to do it but you have to help them. God bless the world with you sweet Carlon. Hold on to your passion for helping. The world is full of need and you are a gift. 

You have an insatiable desire to play and be friends. And sadly, most children your age just don’t get it. To hear at the beginning of this school year that you had been sat next to a special needs student who couldn’t talk worried me because you can be easily distracted in your passions. Then to hear how you had been trying to communicate with him, that you spent time with him on the playground, pushing him on the swing…. my heart swelled and burst through my eyes. 

Your love for your family is tireless. Almost daily you ask how everyone is doing. Can we talk to aunties and uncles? Is this cousin still playing drums? How is that cousin doing in hockey? Is that cousin still dancing? How is baby cousin? How are grandmas, grandpas doing? Can we go visit? I miss them all, when can we see them again? I am sorry we had to move far away from all your extended family. We have talked about it so much over these last 18 months and your grasp of God’s call on our lives has humbled me. You have taught me about faith and trust and hope. You have been a gift beyond measure and I feel I could never be sufficient in thanking God for you. 

I fought hard for you, the fears I held at the beginning were not unfounded. Too early on my body was working against us and we spent some time together in the hospital. That was sobering. It was too early for you to come and everyone was doing everything they could to keep you safe and warm inside me. Mommy had to become lazy fast and you helped by staying calm. So when I got home this night 7 years ago from a pre celebration of your arrival and surveyed the abundance of love before me I was overwhelmed. I went to bed and didn’t sleep. But you apparently were as overwhelmed as me and needed to meet the people behind the love. You decided enough was enough and you were ready to get things started. 

And my life has never been the same since… and every day since then too… you change me everyday. God blasts his grace through you. You are Carlon Timothy and you are my little champion and I love you.