seeds..

The seed, the seed is planted so early. The moment she finds something to care for; a doll, a pet, a baby sibling. She is life, she nurtures, she loves. 

For some that seed is forced dormant. Hurts, expectations, failures, betrayals. They are a cold blast against germination.

For others, that seed is crushed and never a new one is planted.

-and we weep-

But, if that seed is still there, if it is fed, and watered, it grows, it flourishes, it flowers.

And she dreams, and loves, and labours and pours her heart and soul into the hope of one. And then another, and maybe another, and maybe another and maybe..

And hope becomes true, and love grows, for 40 weeks -or less or more- love grows, to the point of bursting. It can no longer be contained. And so begins her labour. And it never stops. She labours to meet her hope realized and she will labour the rest of her life.

It is a life if firsts, and they can not be replaced. First feed, first bath, first roll, first steps, no more crib, out of diapers, it all happens so fast. And we are just supposed to let go? Just like that? Leave them in the hands of a near stranger for six hours a day when they have been our little shadow for twenty-four?

It is a tearing. It was known to come but, surprising still. 

How did we get here? 

Weren’t you just a babe?

Didn’t your head just fit into the crook of my neck?

Don’t you see, if I close my eyes I can still smell your baby-ness?

When I look down, I see your bright eyes studying me from my breast. I smile at you and you break your latch to smile back. And then it becomes a game.

Pardon me while I wipe the water from my eyes..

How do we let our hopes loose on the world? We are still nurturing them, they change faster than we do.

But, this is not where we stop growing.

Need we try to hold onto the past so tight when the future holds all the adventures? As if to say, “those were the best days ever, nothing can compete” Where is our life from there then? We must seek more joy, dream new dreams, hope new hopes. We can plant different seeds to nurture and grow. We must move or we petrify. We are to spend our lives. Our days cannot be stored up and saved. 

Watch your hopes grow and mature and grow their own seeds and so on. This is life, and it is beautiful. Hold it with open hands.