mail

I have learned how to hide behind the written word. It may seem like I am pouring out my heart sometimes but in reality, I choose this form of communication because speaking words with my mouth as opposed to my fingers terrifies me. More than once I have written a letter to someone I love over an issue I should have spoken directly to them about. The problem is that because I am a slow processor I have great difficulty having hard conversations because the person will respond and I am too taken aback and get stuck. I then can’t formulate an appropriate response and get stuck. Then I begin to feel my slow processors shouting at me and I feel dumb. Why can’t I respond to this. Why am I so overwhelmed with my feelings about this that I can’t formulate a response to further growth and foster connection? It is incredibly frustrating. 

I recently wrote a note to someone I love because I couldn’t handle talking directly to them. In essence I hide behind the paper. I cop out of the responsibility of true, right, honest relationship. I am very blessed (and I know it) to have people in my life that understand this shortcoming and love me anyways. It is something I intend to work on.