I can’t believe I’m three days behind on this writing thing well, I guess I can believe it. You’ve never been very good finisher Colleen good starter yes, not good at finishing. It has been harder than I anticipated but I’m not going to give up on it. Today is Iain’s birthday, how is he 4 how does that happen? Just yesterday I was holding him brand new. Where does it all go? I wish I could get some of that time back, I’m always saying to Brad I wish I could go back to at least one day for each of my boys when they were babies so I could snuggle them, kiss them, nurse them again instead of the other night when they pushed me to my limits and I lost it on them. yay mom. Now all I have in my head is noise noise noise. Why do I have such hard time forgiving my parenting mistakes. I’m convinced that they will be ruined forever because of my slip-ups. Ugh, I’m so homesick. I had such a great visit back home in august and I’ve been doing great with everything here but now I am so so homesick and that is more noise in my head. We’ve been here a solid 2 years and I still long for my hometown I wonder if that will ever change. Noah keeps having meltdowns I think he’s overwhelmed with kindergarten but he won’t really admit it. Last night he yelled at his pancakes. Carlon is getting picked on by another kid in his class over the stupidest stuff. First this kid was calling him Barlon and now he is just being bossy to Carlon and it’s really upsetting him. Iain still won’t poop in the toilet. I sometimes wonder if I could ship him off to potty training boarding school but then I know for sure I would never be able to forgive myself for that. noise noise noise.
This too shall pass... maybe not the homesickness...it lasts a lifetime, or until your memory goes. On a positive note, calling it a sickness becomes a misnomer, it's really a comfort memory now. Often I phone one of my sisters and we spend an hour or more reliving our childhood. It satisfies and comforts me. My childhood home(s) are gone, my parents are both gone, but the longing to be back there still chokes me up some days... big sigh .... M.
ReplyDeleteYes, I feel that. Since I can't go to my childhood home either, or any of the other places Brad and I have lived. I have come to learn that moving has a grieving process. It is a change of life as any other. And grieving runs in cycles, each turn becoming (hopefully) less painful. Just being with people who "know" me is more home than any building. There is such an ease and comfort. I suppose after a few more years I'll feel the same way here.
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